I for one welcome our new viral overlords

Hooray for the coronavirus! It has brought a whole new level of instability to Babylon's systems. We have now, I think, passed from the fourth stage of the cycle of civilisation, bureaucracy, to the fifth, aftermath, a blessed relief since I was sick of all the mindless typing.

Stay in your homes, if you fancy. It's nice there, and there's nothing to do, which means you might get around to doing things with purpose, rather than obeying the robotic commands of the neurotic, dying Empire.

If you are finding it impossible to tolerate the presence of your housemates, ask yourself how you allowed things to get to this stage, hanging on in quiet desperation, etc. Also, ask yourself what you are going to do when Babylon claims victory in the imaginary war and attempts to cast its magic spell of dumbfoundery back over the population.

A sinister virus is spreading throughout the population, the virus of stupidity. People are queueing around the corner for medicines and toilet roll - have they never learned to wash their butts with water? Police are ensuring they keep six feet between one another. As a friend of mine observed, it's perfect for the English! We barely have to encounter one another any more than we need to, and in America, Netflix has been sunk by the volume of new subscriptions.

Well, let them stay in observing the Law. Everybody knows Trump and Johnson were born to be leaders of TV leeches. For the rest of us, Spring is here, the trees are in blossom, and the police are too sick to bother checking what we are smoking. One more time, hurrah for the Coronavirus!!